a fresh, blank, new start

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happy birthday to me!

happy birthday!, originally uploaded by estimmel.

eric made this silly birthday picture wish of/for me...and as he says himself, "it's weird to see a birthday card/image with your own face wishing you a happy birthday...(he just loves) this picture and it just seemed right...even though it's wrong"...anyhow, long story short, it made me laugh.

this holiday...

cold city, originally uploaded by Jenblossom.

always leaves me with a slight bittersweet/melancholic/saturnine taste in my heart...despite current states of content happiness, my mind cannot help but conjour images of broken glass, mending hearts, warm tears. and while all these things may seem dismal and sad to most, i am so grateful for the feeling and memories that rise up within me. the saddest thing of all would be to lose a memory to a blank sheet of nothing, no matter how wonderful/horrid/earth-shattering that memory is.

walking out this morning into the cold, snow-swept sidewalk was the near perfect way to begin the day. a clean fresh blast of air upon my face and cheeks to awaken me to the pain, joy, misery, laughter, and more that i have had in my life. i can only hope that all my loves (past & present, brief & enduring, romantic & platonic), know how profoundly you have left imprints upon me....like footsteps left in the freshly fallen snow.

v-day thinking

In the battle for belonging
Every doorbell has its code
With a stare it can be opened
Now you have it now you don't

There are buildings there are people
Walk around and look up to
Every swallow has its season
Every gallow has its noon

By the rythm of your language
By the sparkle in your stride
Talk in riddles or be candid
With a shield or open wide

The lesson you must learn
No one could ever teach
Open up and reach for the stars

Above you
Above you

If you have a way of knowing
Every river can be crossed
Lose the sparrow that had landed
For the one that never was

There's a song for every dreamer
As they climb over this fence
Trading roses for the real world
As the second week commences

Where no one has control
Where the young clipse the old
Predjudice and wisdom
All the same

I want you
I want you


lyrics to "Above You" by The Whitest Boy Alive

interrupted & unfinished sundays

I wonder lately if it is possible to be allergic to a city. Since moving here (not quite 6 months now), I've had a bad congestion cold maybe 3 times, food poisoning once, + general stomach uneasiness at least twice. It's only two months into the new year and I've already used 2.5 sick days from work. In general, my body has been all out of whack. It's putting a little bit of a damper upon me, but I'm trying to be resilient and fight back. Someone suggested that the new city might just have a whole new set of germs that my body isn't used to. Or perhaps it is the fact that I'm forced to interact with a multitude of more people than I am normally used to. New York is a dirty city indeed, ridden with germs at every crevice and corner. It is no wonder to me why I have been so ill. It could also be that all the changes that have occurred the past six months has had a heavy effect upon my mental/bodily state...or even the fact that my iPod has died and needs fixing, my desktop computer has a weird blue screen of death, and now the kittie has knocked over my external hard drive (which has my entire life on it!!!) & it is now making horrible sounds...*scrunched up face of worriment and fear*...yikes...I've been trying desperately not to think of the consequences of this...anyhow....

*got distracted by my pretty turkish friend who now resides in canadia...finally we could see each other...thank you webcam*