ugh...sometimes i feel like i must be ten years old, take today for example---
1. the need for revenge of a giant snowball from the other day overtook me (normal, right? well the initial snowball was plummeted at me over a week and half ago and i just couldn't let it go)
2. if i feel the need to be loved, i'll ask without hesitation for a hug at the most random of moments, today i needed lots of hugs like a child who clings to his mother(actually, more people should do this, you really find out who the good hug-givers are - so for those moments for real emergency, you know who to turn to)
3. i got so excited over a brief moment of enlightenment while watching garden state that i had to pause the movie and abruptly disturb the linux geek (you told me to dish it out!) anyhow, i had to interrupt so rudely over something as simple as punctuation marks...regardless, i have now a deeper sentiment for [ ellipses ] [she smiles]
4. and when i didn't feel like being around people anymore, i fled to my room (my little fort in this world) and curled up in my sheets, just like when i was a kid and would be afraid there were hands ready to grab my feet when i got into bed...i used to turn off the light and run as fast as i could and jump into bed a good 3 feet away, quickly grab the sheets, pull them tightly over my head, and squeal like a little girl...fyi, i did not run to my bed and squeal today...but sometimes there is that urge

what else did i do today so childlike? well, for the most part i was an intelligible girl, going around giving desk crits and spurring conversation.

[pause - caught up in thoughts]

sometimes it is good to remember the things which we did when we were small...i am afraid of the day when i won't remember anymore. there are too many things that i feel i have forgotten already that were crucial in molding the person i am as of now. last week in theory seminar, we were discussing how at one point the human mind was thought to be composed of 3 ventricles. the forward most ventricle, by your forehead was thought to compartmentalize the active and passive senses (sense, touch, taste, smell, etc.) with this ventricle, our senses filtered our experience and direct relationships to the world and our processing of it. um...the second ventricle i cannot recall at this moment its specific purpose, but in many, many renditions of images portraying the 3 ventricle brain a door is depicted between the third ventricle (which was where memories are stored, at the back of the head). the door was thought to fall open and memories would flow to the front ventricle, recalling all the senses associated. this would explain the phenomenon that when people are trying to remember things, they tilt their heads down and forward, it allows the memories to fall more quickly to the forefront of their mind. writing this at this moment makes me conscious that i am half-lying back in bed, pillow propped up but my head tilted back...keeping my memories locked behind the door...mental note to self: remember this position, for there are some days when remembering is too difficult to bear.

future reference for this info (there are more but one for now) - "The Soul & Its Mechanism" written by Alice Bailey

other design notes-

confined - guided - free

[ ideas of transformations ]

second day in a row when i've slept in till after 12...i peered outside and there is a new layer of white on the ground and the snowflakes are continuing to fall. sigh...makes me not want to walk to school but rather stay inside and be a house bum.

i was asked the other day how i can separate the movement of the body into such specific categories-one being free, the other's confined and guided. it was raised that how can anything be free as there is always something, even the physical body itself that is placing restrictions on it's movement. i suppose this is true...i've begun to design my "architectural design drawing tool"---of which i will become a vicitim to very soon. (the outcome of the project will be determined by the lines that my tool can allow/prohibit me to draw) but i realize even thru careful looking at the free body diagram, i need to make some decisions about what exactly free, guided, and confined mean. even free body diagrams portray the impact of outside forces regardless of it being isolated. some quick reference images when the words "free body diagram" are searched for---i've sifted thru to look at ones that already have an influence in the direction i am headed.

doodle during coffee by the waterfront this morning...freezing rain falling down...dreaming of warmer places

a little note for an extremely unproductive day...but who says productivity is only in working...sometimes there are those days when it is more beneficial to sit on a couch, everyone huddled together and watch movie after movie after movie for hours on end...sigh...what a relaxing night...but now i am cursed by the many sleepless nights i've had in a row. the day which i have plenty of time to sleep, i am not tired...irony comes in many forms...