well, i'm back at school and the vacation has finally come to an end. sigh, too bad, i was enjoying myself to much. anyhow, the trip to california was nice but because of the wedding, there was not too much time to just sit back and relax. i'm so glad that i decided to go to new york, even though it was kind of a last minute decision (i didn't finally decide till i was already in california!) the trip was worthwhile in giving me some space to learn how to breathe and stretch my arms again. it is always nice to see old friends and converse with new people. not only does it cause you to remember the things you personally have done in your own life, but it gives youthe opportunity to expose yourself to new moments and new ideas/objectives.

i met a girl from daly city who understood and knew the punchline to the rice cooker joke before i could even finish. her (velba - i scribe her name here so that i hope to remember it) and laurie may possibly visit d.c. in january. that would be wonderful. she has such a cute laugh that it is almost catching.

i ate enough turkey to last me a few months. i can't believe the men at this thanksgiving potluck probably cooked 10 times better than the girls. who ever heard of a guy baking sweet potato pie?! anyhow, it puts my cooking to shame and makes me want to work much harder at it...free time where have you gone to so i can experiment?

the next day was spent walking with an old friend whom i am glad to have. old friendships that have lasted through the years, the kind where a person knows who you are and the fundamentals of your personality, these kinds of friendships are essential when we are at our low points. they pick you up and remind you who you are. the day was spent wandering the streets of new york with no real goal or purpose of place...just casual walking, and casual conversation, nothing forced, no confrontation, no reason for excuses or proving of oneself. it was a break in comparison to what i've been through these past few weeks.

in the evening we met some other familiar faces that helped the time just fly by. arriving at 10 and the next thing we knew it was 5 in the morning...when was the last time that i was enjoying myself so much that time passed by so quickly without me noticing?? i cannot remember.

awaken from my deep sleep the next morning, a new friend called and picked me up in new york and after another day of walking endlessly through congested streets, we headed back to d.c. together - this time via train. this trip was full of new experiences and as i told my train companion, the intent was to totally not have to make any decisions and just let everything be as fluid as my intuition led me. for this i am thankful that my intuition led me to places of happiness and smiles. for a long time, my eyes and heart have been clouded with anger and despair, disappointment and hurt, but today things are beginning to look brighter.

it must even be noticeable for more than four people today have commented that i look different. i haven't changed anything, i haven't grown any, my clothes are still the same...it must be apparent that my mood is lighter. and that in turn make me feel even better. i know that the road to being fully cured is a long one, and i do not intend to rush it - this only leads to more damage. but i do hope that this little break has given me access to a new attitude that i had nearly forgotten - how to enjoy life for the everyday miracles.