6.18.2005

swallows, an old woman´s smile, and lakeside chats

the time in berlin so far has been one of mixed emotion - emotion in the sense of marco - meaning in the original sense to be moved...moved in the direction of relaxation, of awe, of melancholy, and tonight a tinge of sadness. it is a different feeling than i am used to, to be woken by the sunlight shining thru white french balcony doors...i tried to hide as long as possible under the warmth of the blanket, keepin the darkness close to my sleep. but to be woken by the smell of warming croissants in the oven and purple flowers in white vases, to realiye that within meters outside a lake lies quietly, and that that you are flying at the same height as the swallows, this is one of the best feelings in the world - there is something that words cannot explain...i pause in my writing, trying to recall and recollect all the moments of inner happiness that abounded in me today. the moment at lunch, eating at a small cafe along the riverside within view of the ferry which i would later board. i watched two elderly women, obviously very much in love with one another...the one dressed in a manly blue shirt with vertical orange narrow stripes, her grey hair pulled tightly back in a low knot at the nape of her neck, her corbu-rounded sunglasses, and her smile...that ever beaming smile that even after all these years, expressed such a new and fresh smile that showed how deep and renewed her love was for her partner...the next moment as the swallows sang to me on the ferry ride, serenading me from their perch amongst the cables with a background of water...i watched the hanging vertical chains on the ferry gently swaying, tapping against the ground - reminding me of the careful sly dance new lovers play as they walk side by side, barely touching fingers and brushing hands...another moment, a quick swim in a lake just west of potsdam, chilling and refreshing just the same, briefly playing a game of balance on the water raft trampoline before retreating to the bank to be embraced and chilled by the strong breezy wind that made the cat-tails rub shoulders with each other in the water...today, sounds of rustling trees and passing birds, running water, all these things seemed very apparent to me...i was reminded of the warmth of tropical places while sitting on the bank being offered ice cream and a smile crept across my face...i retreated into a nap overlooking the same french balcony as before...it woke me up as it opened up offering dinner & wine, & conversation overlooking the sunset that appeared ti have sand dunes and mountaintops miraged into the sky...the only difference is that i was in actuality the one living and inhabiting the tree filled & lakeside mirage...crying babies led to a lakeside walk that i write here and now hoping not to forget...there are few conversations and exchanges in time that seem perfect and this moment of minutes, talking of forgiveness and hurt, what is and what could have been, of living life for the moment and the day, of setting goals because they are dreams with a deadline, of being told by another person whom you care strongly for how certain qualities of your personality resound with them, of being quiet and listening and watching fireworks from a stone bridge because sometimes there are moments when two people are most understood by one another in merely sharing the same olace in time, even if it is for just a brief blink in time...