oh crap...who would've known it was so depressing...
so here is a slightly edited version of an email i wrote in response to one of my dearest of dears. she has been so kind as to send me text messages and her ever so welcomed lengthy emails...whether it be for her own personal sanity or mine, i think that it does the both of us good to just type. i tried my best in the shortest time i had this morning to write a quick and concise "this is my mind and its current state" letter.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
[ my darling clementine ]
(i have to find the words to that song one of these days...)
ok...not too much time to respond here but i'll say a few quick quick things:
1. the letting go part....ugh, a reoccurring theme for my entire week. you have no idea how many have told me this in the last couple days...had too many conversations about past relationships and future relationships. can't handle it anymore.
2. that i must learn to be alone. argh. seems like you are getting a jumpstart on this one...you going to the gym and all. although i think that it almost would be necessary for me to construct a special "punch me" wall if ever i were to figure out how to do this alone business.
3. i feel so antisocial these last couple days. i take refuge in my computer and try to lose myself in work. neither are being too productive. mind is wandering too all other sorts of places. seems the more antisocial i get the more everyone wants to be my friend and i hate it.
4. the boy is frustrated with his own work and hasn't slept for two days. i do enjoy talking to him although at times it seems we can both be in piss-imistic moods and maybe not the most fruitful for helping each other get better. i like that he says i can call anytime, and even sends me messages now that ask me to call him, barring i am awake. it is nice to feel needed, even if just for my listening ear.
5. my friends are asking what my plans are for my birthday. i keep telling them i am probably (and desperately wishing) to go to new york. you reminded me about monetary funds and even new york right now seems daunting but not unachievable. ugh. ever have those days where you just want to lock yourself up in your room? well, i'm about to just tell you to come visit me in d.c. and we can confine ourselves in my room with tons of clementines and chocolate, piles of dvd's and warm, warm blankets. we could exchange our ideas and creativities...we could sleep in late and stay in pj's all day long...we could save money (haha)...we'll see.
6. ugh...have to get ready for a competition presentation that i really don't want to win, even though if i did win, it would get built and that would be cool. funny that i was one of the ones selected when i seriously just threw together a few sketches in less than a 3 hour timespan. i figured "ideas competition"....nothing fancy (seriously looks like something straight out of my sketchbook)....ugh...didn't think i would have to do more work or ever give it a second thought.
7. i was hoping to have one fully productive day today....obviously, that is not happening so far. flickr images will help explain.
8. favourite album of the moment...deathcab for cutie's "plans"...can't seem to stop listening to "soul meets body"....realizing with each play of the song that my soul and body are no where even near being close to the same location right now.
9. your reminder for patience...can i buy this in the store somewhere? i am almost willing to trade my food/coffee money for an entire lifetime stock of this stuff.
10. i'm done...eyes are heavy already and the day is just starting...well, not really since i woke up at 6. anyhowz........................................
i'm outta this blank white space of a screen that keeps going on forever,
[ little one ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
so without further adieu, i sent the email off and before i forgot decided to discover where that "oh my darling clementine" song came from and the exact lyrics...all i have to say is who would've known it was so depressing. this whole time i never realized that what i thought to be a happy-jolly-go-lucky-song is in actuality a lament about this guy's girlfriend who drowned by accident. how gloomy....read for yourself its complete and full origins.
[ my darling clementine ]
(i have to find the words to that song one of these days...)
ok...not too much time to respond here but i'll say a few quick quick things:
1. the letting go part....ugh, a reoccurring theme for my entire week. you have no idea how many have told me this in the last couple days...had too many conversations about past relationships and future relationships. can't handle it anymore.
2. that i must learn to be alone. argh. seems like you are getting a jumpstart on this one...you going to the gym and all. although i think that it almost would be necessary for me to construct a special "punch me" wall if ever i were to figure out how to do this alone business.
3. i feel so antisocial these last couple days. i take refuge in my computer and try to lose myself in work. neither are being too productive. mind is wandering too all other sorts of places. seems the more antisocial i get the more everyone wants to be my friend and i hate it.
4. the boy is frustrated with his own work and hasn't slept for two days. i do enjoy talking to him although at times it seems we can both be in piss-imistic moods and maybe not the most fruitful for helping each other get better. i like that he says i can call anytime, and even sends me messages now that ask me to call him, barring i am awake. it is nice to feel needed, even if just for my listening ear.
5. my friends are asking what my plans are for my birthday. i keep telling them i am probably (and desperately wishing) to go to new york. you reminded me about monetary funds and even new york right now seems daunting but not unachievable. ugh. ever have those days where you just want to lock yourself up in your room? well, i'm about to just tell you to come visit me in d.c. and we can confine ourselves in my room with tons of clementines and chocolate, piles of dvd's and warm, warm blankets. we could exchange our ideas and creativities...we could sleep in late and stay in pj's all day long...we could save money (haha)...we'll see.
6. ugh...have to get ready for a competition presentation that i really don't want to win, even though if i did win, it would get built and that would be cool. funny that i was one of the ones selected when i seriously just threw together a few sketches in less than a 3 hour timespan. i figured "ideas competition"....nothing fancy (seriously looks like something straight out of my sketchbook)....ugh...didn't think i would have to do more work or ever give it a second thought.
7. i was hoping to have one fully productive day today....obviously, that is not happening so far. flickr images will help explain.
8. favourite album of the moment...deathcab for cutie's "plans"...can't seem to stop listening to "soul meets body"....realizing with each play of the song that my soul and body are no where even near being close to the same location right now.
9. your reminder for patience...can i buy this in the store somewhere? i am almost willing to trade my food/coffee money for an entire lifetime stock of this stuff.
10. i'm done...eyes are heavy already and the day is just starting...well, not really since i woke up at 6. anyhowz........................................
i'm outta this blank white space of a screen that keeps going on forever,
[ little one ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
so without further adieu, i sent the email off and before i forgot decided to discover where that "oh my darling clementine" song came from and the exact lyrics...all i have to say is who would've known it was so depressing. this whole time i never realized that what i thought to be a happy-jolly-go-lucky-song is in actuality a lament about this guy's girlfriend who drowned by accident. how gloomy....read for yourself its complete and full origins.