in search of inspiring thought

At times I have happy ideas,
Ideas suddenly happy, in among ideas
And the words in which they naturally shake free ...

After writing, I read ...
What made me write that?
Where have I been to find that?
Where did that come to me from? It is better than me ...
Shall we have been, in the world, at the most, pen and ink
With which somebody writes properly what we here jot?...

(18.12.1934)
Fernando Pessoa
translated by J.Griffin.

restlessness.jpg

reminders of last night

it never fails, the moment i say i have nothing to post here, i am bombarded with thoughts and recallings of things i should remember. i should make it a resolution to never call anyone drunk anymore...this song is playing on my itunes right now and made me think of a horrible call i made last night. here are the lyrics from long distance drunk by modest mouse. play it and listen with me to remember how stupid i can be sometimes>> > > >>

Hang it up now or never

Hang it up again
(Hang it up now or never)
Hang it up now or never
Hang it up again
Hang it up now or never
Hang it up again
Doesn't seem like anything you're saying or doing or doing
Is making any sense
Long distance drunk
Long distance drunk
Long distance drunk
Oh yeah oh yeah
(8 AM and someone calls you on the telephone)
Long distance drunk
(You want to be by yourself and all alone)
Long distance drunk

another good song on the same album that seems applicable for my current mood as of late. here is polar opposites>> > > >>

Polar opposites don't push away
It's the same on the weekends as the rest of the days
And I know I should go but I will probably stay
And that's all you can do about some things

I'm trying, im trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away
I'm trying, im trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away

Two one eyed dogs, they're looking at stereos
Hi-fi Gods try so hard to make their cars low to the ground
These vibrations oil its teeth
Primer gray is the color when you're done dying

I'm trying, i'm trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away
I'm trying, i'm trying to drink away the part of the day
That I cannot sleep away

time away

as you can see, although it has been unintentional up until this point, i am taking a slight leave of absence from here. today i came to the realization that i need a little break, a moment in time to stop and just collect. things to collect:

my thoughts
my sanity
my well-being
my confusion
my heart
my goals
my thesis
my room
my feelings
my quietude

i imagine a shelf in my room where i can bottle each of these things and you will see them sealed up in jam/preservative jars and marked with white labels that have been sharpie-ed ("my....", "my....", "my....", etc.) don't worry, i will return soon...it just seems like this past weekend was a little bit more emotionally taxing than weekends should be...even weekdays at that.

my attitude for the next 4 months...