sorry, no time to update today.  busy starting my new job which is hecka cool.  my new boss even said he was a pimp.  plus there is a kittie in the office.  her name is georgie.  anyhow, i'll post pics and dialogue as soon as i get a chance.  tomorrow i have my mech, elec, plumb test...and since i've been studying sooo hard (yeah, right) i am going to fail it so bad.  oh well, it just means i'll have to wait 6 months to retake it.  eeesh.  um anyho, so i have my test in the morning, then a second day at the new job.  after that, i'm free as a bird so i'll come home and try to get my life organized from the weekend and share all the pretty things i saw. 

aw man, i'm going to miss the "yeah yeah yeahs" - they are playing in central park early tonite and i won't be there till late tonite. bummer. anyhow, so here's the lineup so far for the weekend trip-

one day (saturday, i think) spent in queens walking and strolling through
::the isamu noguchi museum, i wonder if they will have my favorite sculpture
::the socrates sculpture park something to see and pass on the way to MoMA qns - be sure to watch the video, it'll be just like you are there with me
::the bamboo garden @ pS1.

the following day (which would be sunday) staying in manhattan at
::"le pain quotidien", one of our favourite breakfast-in-new-york spots just before going on the nice morning stroll thru central park
::and if time allows, i will get to see the one museum i've been dying to see forever, you know the one designed by marcel breuer

of course lots of food, and lots of drinks in between, and hopefully a reunion with old friends if ever they return my email. i'm excited to get out of this grey city and into a place where people are the color and not merely part of the landscape. i get so excited when it is spring here, because all of a sudden colour appears in flower beds and treetops in a place where everything is so monochromatic. i love new york because instead, the flowers and landscape are the things that fade and it is the people who light up my eyes.

ok, maybe i should go pack now. i should have lots of goodies to post when i return...picture candy, if you know what i mean.

here i am attacking the camera man...it's a funny but cool picture i think. anyhow, to find out why i was attacking him, look at the silly pics here. my mom would say that the little girl she once knew doing silly faces and playing around before going out is still alive and well. i guess she's right..i used to act that way when i was a small little one. not much has changed i supposed, me being silly or me being small.

nevermind, i changed my mind...the happy song for the afternoon instead, as the sun has come around to my side of the house and is bathing my room full of yellow light, anyhow the happy song is:
 
"float on" by modest mouse-->it makes me want to dance around in my underwear and do silly head-bopping moves around and around as i jump onto my down comforter...happy song.

i think i just decided that i'm an extremely complex person....not very many people understand that.  in fact i can only name 2 people on this planet whom i feel know me better than i know myself.  and the really sad thing is that i haven't spoken to either of them for years and years and years. 
 
currently listening to--> rachael yamagata, "worn me down" from happenstance

calling all friends in ca:

 

so, i'll be back home from july 30 thru august 11.  i have no plans right now, except one day to take my mom to see the conservatory of flowers in golden gate park and another field trip to ikea with her.   other than that, i'm completely free.  anyhow, this is my calling out to you, that i am home, and without plans for once.  email me and let me know of anything interesting going on in that timeframe...any shows, musik, art exhibits, afternoons on the beach, you know me, i'm pretty much up for anything.  you know where to find me till then, in transition between jobs, studying my arse off, and doing massive loads of laundry.  i want to do things in the city this time since it will probably be thanksgiving the next time i see you all...and after that i'll be in europe for a semester.  so...take the chance while you've got it, sign up to see me! 

 

love and miss you all dearly...xoxo, jenn

things to see this weekend at the whitney.

inspiration for the heart and mind to keep me ticking from within...another compliment was given to the painting this past weekend. it really truly is an amazing thing and am happy to have it bequeathed to me in death.

 

well, after buying and then unbuying my plane ticket, i have again finally bought another ticket to take me home to my mom, a much better reason than the first initial attempt.  the ticket was expensive and may actually hinder me from going to seattle/vancouver as originally planned, but that is alright because i think that right now my presence is much more valued elsewhere. 
 
conversations in the water this past weekend have caused me to contemplate upon some things and my intention of visiting california.  i do not know if the person behind the painting wishes to see me, in fact i do not even speak hardly with this mystery.  it is always hard to need someone, and then the moment you realize it, they no longer need you.  and though i know the basis of it all was a deep, underlying friendship that has carried us through and through, i can't stand being ignored, and that alone bothers me.  who better to run to than my mother, the only one who never, ever, ever can turn this cute little pumpkin face away.
 
all i have to say is, whatever...don't say you will call if you have no intention of calling.  that hurts more than just simply saying i am too busy or i don't know when i will talk to you again.  ours is truly a love-hate relationship, and it is neither an even balance.  either i truly love you or i truly hate you.  i mean, of course, hate is a strong word, and i do not really dislike you so much...because deep down you have been my listening ear, and for that i will always thank you...
 
sigh.
 
boys suck....
 
...but so do girls...now that's what i call a connundrum.
 
i need to go get my butt motivated to go to target and buy a new bike lock so i can come back home and then ride my bike down the street to the coffee shop so i can study all afternoon.  i have a test one week from today and i am totally unprepared.  good thing i have all of today till friday to study.  this weekend is going to be spent in new york, latvian royalty has asked that i accompany them and i shall comply to her request.  i mean, come on, how can i pass up a wodnerful summer weekend in manhatten (er) i mean manhattan. 
 
i think i'm going to fail my test.   i have no desire to study for this one at all, and yet i don't want to have to wait the 6 months to retake it if i fail it.  another connundrum.  (connundrum:  the word of the day if you haven't deciphered yet)
 
i'm hungry.  breakfast is calling to me and i should probably fight the urge to continue typing in order to continue procrastinating. 
 
everything to me lately is a viscious cycle of which there is no escaping.

no more desk at work
 
 just time for laying in the grass
 
and watching the planes go by...

Say Yes by Elliott SMith

I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
who's still around the morning after
we broke up a month ago and I grew up I didn't know
I'd be around the morning after

it's always been wait and see
a happy day and then you pay
and feel like shit the morning after
but now I feel changed around and instead falling down
I'm standing up the morning after

situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later

and I could be another fool or an exception to the rule
you tell me the morning after
crooked spin can't come to rest
I'm damaged bad at best
she'll decide what she wants
I'll probably be the last to know
no one says until it shows and you see how it is
they want you or they don't
say yes

I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
who's still around the morning after

for the first year, i finally got thru july 5th without thinking of a special birthday. and now, 9 days later it hits me and i'm filled with remorse for being so thoughtless. my latvian princess surprised me with a luinchtime visit, and somehow our conversation wandered that way, reminding me how i forgot such a special event in history. and even though we do not talk, i send my blessings and wishes of smiles and happiness that way via e.s.p. hoping that it makes him sneeze or his nose itch, whichever is supposed to happen when someone is thinking of you. i cannot dwell on it for long though, because i become nostalgic and get faint whiffs of a smell that is now almost gone. it saddens me to know that even love is not enough, or too much love is not enough to make something work. and if such a thing is true, then my idealistic self cannot face the fact that fairy tales really are not true. and in turn every other thing is dull and nothing in comparison. (sigh) i am content, and know that God has plans much greater than either of us can imagine. and i am also content that He answered the one prayer that i always prayed, that if i ever got in the way, to be removed completely. and as much as answers to prayer are wonderful, they still are a giant gulp in the throat. reality is always so much more difficult than the ideal, and it always has been that this little fishie likes living in her dream world.

so, though i cannot say it in person, or write it in a card to be sent, i wish to the birthday boy:
-the most wonderful of days, first and foremost
-the warmth that comes from laying in bed late on saturday mornings
-soothing sips of coffee in the perfectly molded mug-to-hand
-a pillow for your head to rest on
-musik to match the rhythm that always beats in your head
-a book not to make you think, just to make you chuckle
-the love of your family to abound around you as it always has
-and contentment that God has amazing love, that will never cease and will sustain you in everything

i can't get these stupid comments to work....

gehry at princeton


what is this hummingbird-look-alike-insect?

Wooden Nickels by the Eels

Went down by the old courthouse
Stumbling through the streets
Had to get out of the house
Had to use my feet
And you may not think much of me now
But I think so damn much of you

Don't take any wooden nickels
When you sell your soul
A devil of a time awaits you
When the party's over
You're on your own

Trash truck coming up the road
Picking up the trash
Riding to a better place
Hoping we don't crash
Thinking how things
Have turned out
I never would've guessed it
This way

Don't take any wooden nickels
When you sell your soul
A devil of a time awaits you
When the party's over
You're on your own

And you may not think much of me now
But I think so damn much of you

Don't take any wooden nickels
When you sell your soul
A devil of a time awaits you
Now the party's over
I'm on my own

WNYC's program Radio Lab this week explores the intricacies of language and it's relationship to music, "the point at which meaning moves from verbal to sonic."

i've gotta take my mom here---> conservatory of flowers

when i go home in august again, i must take my mother on an outing to here and a tour of the ikea experience. there's a new store in palo alto, and she's never been. we'll make a mother-daughter event of the two. i feel tortured inside because i'm not around my mother more. especially right now when she needs me most while she is taking care of her own mother. (long story short: it seems the doctors jacked up my grandmother when she went to get her glaucoma surgery done. each week my grandma complained of absolutely splitting headaches, ones that made her not sleep for days and days, the doctor said it would go away...but after 5 weeks!! he finally agreed with my mom and grandma that something might be wrong. anyhow, an eye specialist was recommended and she had to undergo emergency surgery because of the pressure in her eye that was destroying the lens! i still haven't been able to get a hold of my mom, and my brother is clueless, to see if my poor grandma will ever be able to see out of her eye or not anymore) well, back to my mom, she's been taking care of, cleaning and cooking, and chauffering my grandparents all around for the last 3 months. to the emergency room, to the doctor, to the emergency room, to the doctor. poor mom. i wish i were there to make her laugh and be the silly little girl that makes her eyes smile. i have all these stupid petty little things that i worry about and when i think about it none of that matters in comparison to how much i worry for my mom and family. sometimes i have those days when being 3000 miles away from them just sux---today is one of those days.

working on a saturday is a bummer. my musik teacher that stood me up though was on aim for a while and we had a nice little chat. he always showers me with wonderful words about how fantastic a person i am and how much he adores me. it puts a big smile upon my face to know that someone cares so much. he said that he read somewhere that people are much healthier if they get at least three hugs a day in comparison to someone who gets no hugs at all. he said that there should be booths all over that were like hug-booths so people could get their three hugs a day to ensure happiness and better health. and all this he told me because he wished he were here to give me a hug so i could be one step closer to my happy, healthy self. we all need people in our lives to give us hugs...who are you gonna give one to today?

check this out, someone has a great idea ---> hug vouchers

come to think of it, i have a lot of favourite men in my life...so don't go thinking you are special or anything...and not so many favourite women. in fact, probably the only favourite woman would be my mom. me and women don't seem to mix as well as peas and carrots.

for lego lovers and animaters alike this website is the ultimate trip: spidey 2

now how cool was that? i'm still sick, my head feels like it wants to explode. i missed phone calls from my dad and a special other...sigh. i was sleeping no doubt, and how i wished to talk with some of my favourite men in my life. perhaps they could have cheered me a little.

on another good note, i had a job interview last week with a firm in dupont. something to make the transition between full-time workaholic, to part-time student again. anyhow i guess out of the 178 resumes they got, the principal narrowed it down initially to 14. from that 14, four were chosen for interviews. lucky me, at least i had a 25% chance of getting the job! anyhow, i must've done something right, cuz they offered me the job and i'm considering saying, here i am! take me! take me! it'd be kewl to be part of the 21 new, young and emerging architects of dc. their site isn't quite up yet, but it looks like it has potential nonetheless: objet design

k, now, gnite, sleep tite and don't let the bedbugs bite.

cough cough....double cough...half a cough...cough.

my throat hurts.

i want to cry.

where's my mom?

it hit me like a two ton rock...i've been hit by a horrid cold and it has me on my feet. eesh...if it weren't for this stupid deadline i wouldn't be killing myself to get up and try to make it to work by noon. come on jenn, you can do it! time to take the meds and head to work....only 8 more days by the way...woo hoo, cough cough.

one day it's dancing and the other i feel like shizit. ugh-i think that getting rained on, on saturday, trying to experience fourth of july in dc, the parade got rained out and o.g.m.p. and i got soaked like drowned rats. we tried to wait it out, but the feeling of wet pants dribbling down our legs was too much to bear. so we hopped back onto the metro and headed home to warm up and dry out...then there was an evening of party-party-party, and a game of kick-ass pool where jenn did all the ass-kicking. dientes sold his ladies hat to some guy who much needed the chick-magnet-apparel more than he. heck, he made 10 bucks and got us two shots of tequila. not a bad deal if you ask me. anyhow, it was an evening of good fun and laughs to last for at least a couple weeks. the next day, amazingly enough there were not hangovers to be found. and after an ihop run we all were off to the beach again. thought we all would get rained out there too, and i was sad because i thought my latvian princess would cry for a moment since the weather was being so uncooperative. but no, instead it was i who made her cry with a football throw right to her cheek...that's ok though cuz she nailed me right smack on my bare stomach and left a mark of redness for all to view. so after a weekend long of adventures and fun, relaxing although it was, here i am at work now, trying to get this stuff out so i can go home because i feel utterly ill. i'm getting sick and i hate it. pout pout pout.

i feel like dancing today...i got the results for my arch. regisration exam----i passed! one down, eight more to go! ust waned to say thank you much for all your prayers and good wishes, they were very much needed and i'm sure very much the reason why i did so well, aside from the hours and hours of studying right? yea, baby...anyhow, who wants to dance with me? let's go!

playlist for the day shows much improved mood change--->

gotan project :: chunga's revenge
usher :: yeah
ben folds five :: in between days
thornley :: so far so good
red hot chili peppers :: road trip
chaka kahn :: tell me something good
good charlotte :: hold on
2 pac & dr. dre :: california love
the weakerthans :: psalm for the elks lodge last call
switchfoot :: meant to live
outkast :: roses
ryan adams :: burning photographs
proclaimers :: i'm gonna be 500 miles
nelly :: ride wit me
portishead :: it would be sweet
pat mcgee band :: beautiful ways
outkast :: the way you move
no doubt :: it's my life
nelly furtado :: i'm like a bird
kylie minogue :: can't get you out of my head
nelly :: dilemma
keane :: somewhere only we know
daniel bedingfield :: gotta get thru this
cranberries :: animal instinct
bee gees :: stayin' alive

check out the newest issue of dirt. pay close attention to some of my favourites - david maisel's "9283-6" & "9803-7" and all of andrew zbihlyj's work especially "lost boy."

will this week never come to an end. i could have sworn yesterday was friday already. met an oregonian landscape architect and my roomie big daddy for an evening of rooftop drinks at the big hunt by dupont. "home of 27 taps" and i think that oregonian tried a few new ones i've never seen. anyhow, it was a chill evening in the epitome of what a dive bar is supposed to be. anyhow for some reason i always get lucky bar and this place confused...but i've got it all straightened out now. lucky bar is where we saw and met those hotties from mtv real world las vegas....sigh, i can't believe i just called someone a hottie, i must be feeling delirious today for sure. believe me, since we treated yesterday like a friday night, that makes today seem like a saturday, which in turn makes it sooo incredibly wrong to be at work!!! it's only 9:15 and i'm already complaining...today is definitely going to be torturous.

it doesn't help that i stayed up way past my bedtime on the phone chatting the night away. i was called cold with regards to my tone and that hurt, but coldness is the only way i know of protecting my heart. somehow i turned from cold to warm, and next thing you know i melted. (sigh) i'm wondering today and now if i should be cursing myself for being weak minded. i still feel awkward and a little out of the sorts. my life is such a soap opera.

why am i acting like a dumb, stupid girl? why are my feelings so tender and raw? why do i feel like i cannot breathe...right now everything comfortable and seemingly "normal" in my everyday is turned completely upside down. things that were "for sure and although not perfect" are no longer there for me to count on. i have dismissed them, and they have gone away...not only emotionally but physically. and the "risk and the not so sure" is not even there either. i hate it. what have i done, is all that i keep asking myself...and then the reassuring answer comes, it is as it should be: learn to be alone...why is it a lesson i refuse to remember? learn it, damnit.

looks like california is getting a piece of spain. check out the article in the SFgate.

more pics here.