"The first thing God requires of us is not faith. It is not love. It is not correct doctrine or theology. It is honesty. Unless we can be honest with ourselves and then with him we are deceived."

some unknown soul posted this in my guestbook and i wonder who it could be...i wonder and ponder if perhaps my words on screen have deceived you and perhaps misled your perception of me. i suppose after careful review, i do not post the things which truly i carry in my heart and the things which i hold true and important. there was atime when i wrote in my journal to express only happiness...it seems now, i post things of despair and confusion, and i apologize for this misconstrued charade.

i am perhaps, now looking over my pages with scrutiny, wondering if the title of my place in space is misleading. perhaps the real quote that should be under purpose should read just as it does in Proverbs 3:5,6,7 (the real piece of my heart that i hold as daily motivation)-->Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.

it is my fear of "meandering the straight line" and my fear of becoming so lost in myself that my path is not straight enough for God to find His way to me, nor i to him. john cried out in the wilderness, quoting isaiah even to "prepare a way for the Lord, make his paths straight." my calling and purpose then is a summons to both intellectual clarity and moral reformation. i remember clearly hearing somewhere that: intellectual twisting causes moral twistedness. in other words, my thinking needs to be straight in order that my life may be allowed to straighten out.

the return to straight thinking can only occur when I return to loving one another...another word that i have grown to envy and cherish---compassion. mutual love will clear our minds to see what is best for ourselves and for others, and prepare us for the judgment day. “My prayer is that that your love for each other may increase more and more and never stop improving your knowledge and deepening your perception so that you can always tell the difference between right and wrong and recognize the best. This will help you to become pure and blameless, and prepare you for the day of Christ, when you will reach the perfect goodness which Jesus Christ produces in us for the glory and praise of God.” philippians 1:9-11

i guess the real questions i ask myself daily, at least try to force myself to ask daily are: "will i listen to john and prepare the way of the Lord into my life by clear thinking and honest response? or perhaps i do not want the Lord to find the way to my life, perhaps i would rather not be disturbed? whatever my choice of the day is, i am reminded that the day of the Lord will come upon me suddenly and unprepared, like a thief in the night, and then what will i say then? for at that moment in time there will be no other option than to think straight, and no longer will there be the possibility of hiding in self-deception?

i ask my anonymous person, whether they wrote such a message to me out of concern and love, or out of judgement and an uncertain knowledge of my true day-to-day. i do not know if this blog is a correct depiction of my everyday happenings and for that i am sorry. as i wrote before, there are many things which i do not reveal here. i wonder if you know me, or perhaps are just a stranger who has stumbled upon my page. or perhaps you are even a stranger who knows me...sigh. i am troubled by the perhaps false depiction of myself that i have portrayed upon this webpage, false because the whole story of my life is not revealed. i am perplexed for neither do i know how to correct and right this problem. stranger, will you reveal yourself to me if i again make my paths straight as i have tried in this post?