sleep

finally was able to get a decent night of sleep last night. wasn't riddled with strange dreams (well, only one anyhow). soundtrack for today:

scream :: imarobot
empty picture fram :: jets to brazil
half light :: athlete
t he blossoms :: badly drawn boy
this modern love :: bloc party
no ring on these fingers :: the bravery
memory machine :: the dismemberment plan
how many time (with this) :: dabrye
pictures in an exhibition :: death cab for cutie
no breaks :: the bravery
certain things you ought to know :: destroyer
truffle no shuffle :: dabrye
love :: elefant
what is the light? :: the flaming lips
paper thin walls :: modest mouse
shine acoustic :: muse
let's roll :: the stills
crank heart :: xiu xiu
psalm for the elks lodge last call :: the weakerthans

a strange mix of songs, probably a reflection of long conversations had with mom last night over relationships, past/present/future, the dissolution of relationships around me, the begininnings of relationships also around me, my own personal desires and the events and revelaing of characteristics of people in general that make me wonder if there really is anything as real trust and commitment in this world whatsoever. can we ever truly know the people that we trust our entire lives to? or is it always just such a leap of faith and a bearing of everything? me, being the hopeless romantic and masochist that i am, i believe it's possible...but somehow saddens me that there are so many other constituent factors that need be sifted thru as well, time, place, moment, choices...ugh...but for some reason, all this sadness is outweighed by hope...

there have been a few moments in my life when i have had that glimpse into happiness...and all the suffering, the heartache, the pain, the arguing, all the in-between moments of sh*t, as long as they don't outweigh those glimpses...well, it is worth it...this i do not doubt, because i have felt it...and i know there are those who need reassuring in this fact...notice my word choice, not possibility or fiction, but fact.

(slight tears well up) i don't know why my eyes are watery right now, too many emotions---a remembering, a hope for my friend, a wish for myself...ugh...i need to get this all out of me so that i can keep focus today and remain concentrated.

it is difficult sometimes being the only one who sees the world from my eyes...yes, words can share feelings and communicate experiences, however, they cannot make another being compeltely feel/see/understand a lifetime compilation that comprises me...there are few in this world that would take the time to even begin to travel on such an adventure...for those people that are willing to hold my hand and delve into me, i am waiting and am ever so grateful for you.