so...i just came back, well two nites ago now, from a memorable trip. (pause as she smiles) i wonder what to express on this screen and what to keep as memories inside...if this entry appears cryptic, then you will try to understand.

for some reason ali's wise words of "Courage built a bridge, Jealous tore it down" flash into my head.

being nervous, and having enough gall to cross a country to rediscover the senses of touch and laughter and power is a refreshing breath of california air. to see and feel what is behind a voice/written email is an encouraging thing and a necessary thing for one to continue living without eyes glazed over.

i peered into the mirror this morning, and maybe it is just my short break, break i swear my eyes had a hint of twinkle, or perhaps it was sparkle, in them. maybe it is the fact that there are leaves on the trees again, and flowers all around, but i doubt that those are truly the reason. i both fear and welcome with open arms the fact that it may be from my visits with old faces and hugs from familiar arms and banter from not-so-strange voices.

i do not know, nor do i really think i wish to know, what kinds of things this tells me about the life i am at present living.

i know there is always a choice.

i know there is no spoon.

i know…

i know…

i know…

somehow i got strangely curious about my astrology yesterday and found myself deeply intrigued by it’s oh-so-familiarity to me---

“Romantic Pisces, you are the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac. You are regarded as the sign of sensitivity and receptivity, and are a true chameleon by being mutable and infinitely complex. Your keywords are communion and vision, and you have the capacity to go beyond this world to the one of dreams and the spirit.

Your ruler Neptune, the planet of confusion and chaos, gets people out of habits that imprison them so that they question themselves and can discover another path toward growth and spirituality. Neptune is also the planet of imagination and illusion, and governs the dream world with all its many facets.

Pisces is the third of the three water signs, which means that you are concerned with the realm of emotion and feeling. You deal with sensitivity, intuition, and deeper psychic aspects of life. You are able to conduct unconscious telepathic communication with others.

Your sign rules the twelfth house of the chart, the sector associated with the unconscious, need for seclusion, and places of restriction. This house describes the wellspring of your being, including psychological problems that you repress. This house is very healing and can promote personal and spiritual growth, once you make the effort to go deeper and face YOUR reality.

Pisces is a mutable sign. You adapt to the exigencies of life and ingeniously melt into circumstances like a chameleon. In your interaction with others, you are personable and compassionate, and successfully connect on a deep emotional level.

Your strengths, dear Pisces, lie in your altruistic and empathetic nature, because you feel the urge to help people less fortunate than you. Your sensitivity and intuition make you a true healer. Your strong imagination and highly evolved creativity predispose you to artistic expression.

Your main weaknesses are that you can be weak-willed, passive, and indecisive. Many times, you prefer to escape reality and indulge in your dreamworld. Chaos and confusion can be present in you, which may frustrate your circle of friends. At the same time, you can be oversensitive and fragile, feeling victimized by others.”

from here i was drawn to the compatibility charts…of which i will not post right now…perhaps at a later time??? don’t know how i feel about that yet…

anyhow, i guess what i have concluded is that i am officially a mutant…