"mercato di itchy" (translates to flea market)

on the bus, just passed the "mercato di itchy" - translated in jenn's italian speakto flea market...soundtrack for milan today is the arcade fire's "funeral" album...stomach a little weak today, maybe a tad too much chianti and gin&tonica. i'm beginning to find my element of comfort in a handful of people here and it is nice to begin to feel like "me" and the reservations are falling away. last evening a bunch of peoples metro-ed to the "colonnade" - saw a skateboarding dof and sat at the pub counter...the colonnade is an amazing gathering space and it's nice to see a city entrust such places to their habitants. i've noticed i've been taking many pictures of doors and the handles...for some reason i'm fascinated by the details of everything here...

antonio citterio & the bulgari hotel

lago maggiore: a day at the beach

1:00 a.m. i just got off the phone, well i guess it has been over an hour or so already, with mom and the boy (smiley face) ugh...he was so right in the never knowing how to end the phone conversations....he called it out after a cute "kiss, kiss"...and then i continued on ramblling in agreement and somehow a stupid "by" pops out...dumb dumb dumb...must have burned a few too many brain cells at stresa in the sun today...i had to call mom this evening and tell her about the amazing villa on isola bella...the flowers and garden were more than breathtaking and the lago maggiore put my eyes in a state of awe, more than they have been at any particular natural site for quite some time now. i've surrounded my last few trips with buildings/museums...how could i have forgotten the beauty to behold in the the mountains and islands, the greenery and slimy, slippery, chilly but refreshing lake water. i saw a boy on the train whose face hair was slightly grown...on his cheek one could tell that the hair grew in a spiral. it was more intriguing to me than the passing scenery thru the windows...(sigh)...the boy said he missed me today - on the phone and in his email....this makes me happy and my heart pound in fear at the same time...the fear because i do not know how to respond quite yet...just like my stupid good-bye earlier (ugh!!!) perhaps i am out of practice in listening to what my heart has to say in return...i will try to be more vocal and not so intimidated by my feelings which perhaps must necessarily be shared so others can feel affection too.

milano: duomos & polizia

magnolia trees are everywhere thru the park, a few gallery show rooms here and there and then some wandering to nowhere...sitting on the hot paved road cooking like and egg in a frying pan...
galleria at the duomo, milan...sitting in the street - the day of our running from the italian police excursion in the dark park at night...

may 26

the ride thru the alps and into italy has been perhaps one of the most awe striking moments so far on this train ride...5 hours filled of snow tipped mountains, serene lakes, abandoned castles and nearly empty train stations...i don't think i have ever been on a train for this long nor seen water so still...even the birds floating across its surfaces do not have a hint of riples or disruption. the more we travel into italy, the more tattered and torn the buildings become...i feel as if were being transported into a movie script...it's only been 2 days and already i feel much older than most on this trip. i do not mind secluding myself to some extent - i am confident in my own being and realize much how i really truly have been desiring and wanting and personally need this eye opening/heart mending experience ---->how appropriate as i write these last few words bloc party's "banquet"comes on the ipod ["turning away from the light, turning into myself"] <---- sometimes it is amazing how the soundtrack fits so perfectly well with our thoughts of the moment...

(pause)

the trees are skinny and lean, the sky beginning to turn grey with dusk. peering at these houses, no more like homes, that pass by makes me want to live in a house that breathes/deteriorates over time...to see the paint peeling from the plaster, the marks of the water running down the side, one can just tell, or at least the imagination can allude to each of these places a story, multiple stories in fact...i realize as i write this that my thoughts are scattered, distracted by conversation and views out my window...

lol ...i hear out of the corner of my ear "i've got about 3 shots of rum left...last call for alcohol!" too funny...ok, maybe i had better exit my sketchbook and partake in this last call...

vitra, vitra, vitra

basel, switzerland

observations...

everyone eats while walking around and instead of carry out it's called take away...it's now 9 o'clock, the bells confirm it and i am standing above the street on the main plaza...anyhow, 9 o'clock, the rain is gone, the sun setting and a cool breeze to accompany the sound of the passing train...

day two

day two...it won't stop raining...the rain is light and not heavy which is good but it doesn't allow me to sit down and sketch or rest...just have to keep walking, umbrella (bought for 10 swiss francs) this a.m. in my hand and camera in the other. i found the grocery store (called coop city) and was able to buy some fruits and juice/bread - a good find because 2 bananas, a loaf of bread, pear and apple cider sparkling was only 3.80 fr...should i stop later for an evening/morning meal. i think i've pretty much walked most of zurich...a lot of things seem closed on sunday/monday which just so happen to be the days i have here...but was able to walk along the lake, see a corbu house even...it is almost as if the city is sleeping while i am allowed to venture and explore it. was going to take the dolderbahn up the mountain, but i grew tired and resigned myself to a dry, covered bench instead...can eat my small loaf and rest my feet some before heading back to the old town...kind of nice writing by hand again instead of the blog...makes me think more.

7:25 pm swiss time....got back to the hotel a few hours ago and found myself crashed out in a serious nap - well deserved though from the 6 hours of nonstop walking. now, here i am just a few steps away from the hotel, drinking my cappuchino and about to embark on my first international postcards...how come we never write each other until the moment we travel far, far away? (pause for people/cobblestone watching) i love looking at other people's shoes...and here, just being in zurich alone, i have noticed all kinds od shoes...much harder for me to decipher the personailyt based on shoe type here...usually one can tell their interest in design in the US because these "types" wear european shoes...well, here i am...in europe where everyone wears "cool shoes"...anyhow - the point being - i like the fact that i don't seem to stand out - my shoes fit...in fact, i've caught others glancing at mine...i've yet to see any quite like them and for that reaso i'm happy to stil feel unique and part of something just the same. tomorrow - off to basel by train, have to figure out how to get back to the airport...ugh...and i think i lost my map somewhere...excited to meet up with the rest of the class and nervous just the same...what will they think of my shoes?

day one of the adventure

made it thru dulles airport and security and currency exchange so far with no troubles...it was nice to get glimpses of a certain someone as we crossed paths, wrote txt notes to one another as we journeyed thru the airport on our separate routes. funny that our gates were set side by side, while one sat delayed on the plane waiting to leave and the other sat ansiously at the gate waiting to get on the plane...only one hour or so more of plane ride then the real journey begins...but now that the momentum has begun, the anxiety and all the fidgetiness that i had for two days now is at last subsiding. for some reason, i am calm and reassured...maybe much in part due to the sweet gentle distraction of my visitor the last few days...i can see the sunrise as people peek thru their peephole windows - for some odd feeling, i wish there was someone to share this sunrise with - the first in a long time to which i have no strong aversion...

awake!

for some reason, lydia and i are here wide awake since 4:30 this morning...crazy...maybe it is anxiety---about going back to california, about going to places far away, about visitors coming soon, about not feeling ready for things to be over...whatever it is, my body feels revived for the first time in ages (something which i'm sure i'll be retracting from saying at around 3 o'clock this afternoon)...ok...well, since neither of us can sleep, we are getting up and taking on the list of errands i have to do early...i kept thinking that something bad in the world must have happened to have us both up...checked cnn and all the other various news sites for world disaster but we couldn't find anything really except that kylie minogue has recently cancelled her world tour due to cancer...in her honour, we've been playing "can't get you out of my head" over and over thus making it most likely a song that won't get out of my head all day...

two cute calvins that were sent to me...somehow the sender thought they fit my personality---i dunno...

yesterday's afternoon in the sun, falling asleep in the sun...i did my two sketches for the day...

a very chinese thesis defense, complete with sushi and wine afterwards --- hehe

jumping jennie-beans

yeah! so i found out oh-so-early this morning that a visitor is coming next wednesday! i guess i am even more happy now because i never really expected that there would be time enough in between school activities and me leaving for europe...and i always try not to put myself first when i know there are other important issues out of my control that need be resolved...sigh...so anyhow, all this lack of build up has made it an even better surprise. so...secretly inside while recovering from my brutal bike fall (hehe---that's a story in itself for another time)and doing laundry and trying to figure out final trip itinerary/necesseties, i am jumping up and down inside with sheer excitement...something that i haven't felt in quite some time...

now instead of thinking of things that i should be doing, like cleaning out studio and my house, i am planning where i should take my guest...the places that will fill his 24 hour desires for breakfast food, the coffee shops to sit and lounge...a good, fun place to play pool so i can test whether or not my practicing has paid off, which i highly doubt but...whatever...a nice green grassy lawn to sprawl and nap like cats...hmm...so anyhow...i'm happy today...besides what better way to be woken up from a mid afternoon nap than by a phone call and voice you don't get to hear very often? (smiling, smiling, more smiling)

hmm...ok...maybe i should try to focus on getting stuff done...ugh...so much to do...
should i go to the apple store tomorrow to pick up a media reader for my ipod photo? or would this be an outing that my guest would like to accompany me on?

(sigh)

ah...waking up at 2:20 in the afternoon with nothing pressing but laundry and enjoying the sun...makes jenn happy.

abundance and energy

despite not being able to sleep hardly at all last night, i was actually able to wake up to the first real and bonafide morning that i can remember from the entire past few weeks. one of those days to feel lucky to wake up and breath in the smells of the bakery, see the colour of the flowers, taste the bagel and coffee on my tongue before i even reach the coffeeshop. the walk was refreshing coming to school instead of going home, the sun beaming on my shoulders with me feeling refreshed and not exhausted of all energy. i made a few morning phone calls, something which i have not done in a long time for fear of my morning grouch coming out. well, oscar was no where to be found, he must still be sleeping in his garbage can while i take in much needed vitamin d nourishment from the sun doctor.

sigh...and wow...i can't believe that there really already are only twelve days left till i begin my adventures. excited, anxious, fearful, joyous all the same.

well, the day is just beginning and for the for the first time in a long time i feel ready to take on the world...

much needed break

brudder, brudder...you asked how i celebrated being done with the first year of grad school...well here it is. please don't die laughing, i know you will get a kick out of this. ok...stop cracking up already, your stomach muscles are going to hurt. ok...time to relax and have some peace and quiet, got dessert and got the movie...all set and ready to begin the summer...

it's 9 in the morning...and already i feel like a drink...

so...today is yet another sunrise morning...just finished my paper minutes ago, but now i'm officially not tired because i've gotten so used to this graveyard schedule. mark my words though...tonight is officially the last night for a while that i stay up past 4 am (knocks on wood desk). well, at least for school work anyhow. i'm looking forward to going out tonight, with roommate and friend, and many faces from school that i perhaps will not see ever again. now the week of good-byes is looming in front of me...sigh...how come it is always so much easier to remember the good-bye sad part than the hello happy to meet you part. anyhow...i guess i had better go lay myself down and get a little rest before the 2 for 1 happy hour begins...cannot wait to play pool and dance the night away...a much deserved break i need after the last two weeks of living (er, i mean barely living), breathing hell. can't you tell? i'm sooo excited that i only have one more drawing due monday, and then i'm completely finished! woo hoo! ok, jenn, go to bed already!

ok...so the review went well...another long day regardless. anyhow, just got home and i think i may have made a couple phone calls between blocks, possibly disrupting some much needed work time. for that, i'm sorry, that and whatever mumbo jumbo rambling may have proceeded from my mouth.

hmmm...on other notes, i'm tired of people living on/thru their insecurities. why can't anyone understand that friends are friends because it may actually be possible just to care about the well being of another living, breathing, human being? it makes it difficult to trust anyone at all, if the only time they tell you that they love you, miss you, care about you is when they are running on sleep deprivation, you've had probably one too many drinks, and it is the official last night of the school band playing. why can't people just understand the word [compassion] and [friendship] ? what is so plainly difficult to understand that friends do not merely use one another when they need something, or a shoulder to cry on?

compassion...another one of my favourite words of the english language...there are not many who actually understand this word in its complete fullness...that may seem redundant...anyhow, whatever, i don't care right now...complete fullness...

there are days when it would be enough just to fall asleep next to someone in silence...with arms wrapped around you, and to be able to drift into complete nothingness with a content smile upon your face and in your heart...

another sunrise, another day gone by. it is awfully chilly outside...just got back from yet another run to the evil demon starbucks...it's a pretty bad sign if all morning, afternoon, and evening shift know your drink of choice and have it practically half made by the time you walk thru the doors...anyhow, only one more day of this left to go. glad i took the time this past evening to have dinner, er, i mean breakfast alone---needed time to collect my thoughts, outside of studio, outside of my room for sleeping...studio space getting to be a huge mess...pinned up about half the drawings i had stacking up in a pile just so i can begin contemplating what i'm going to say...also, easier to see what i have and don't have. ugh...what a disater area...anyhow, guess i will begin my coffee and bagel...see how much longer i can stay awake and be productive before heading home for a short nap.

a portion of yet another cup installation...uh-oh, i feel a headache approaching...

waking up

ever have those days when you wake up and realize where you are and what you have left to do, and then think to yourself, why the heck didn't i go to culinary school instead?

well, thAt's me...riiiiight aboooout (slight pause) ---- now.

[ this ] is for later...just in case.

before bedtime in the day

although not extremely tired, i decided to come home despite my sub-conscious desire to stay and work. i'm so happy that i did leave when i did though because it must have been one of those perfect moments in time when everything was strangely in its place. as i strolled home, the leaves on the trees seemed greener, the sun peeking through in just the perfect slivers in time with the beat of music in my ears, the cars only gently humming, everyone's faces refreshed as the new morning began a fresh new day, the air crisp enough to feel on my cheeks yet not cold in any way...the music by the way also in tune with my mood and step, to relax and make the morning stroll pass by in not haste but leisure (at these early mornings/late nights at some point i tend to stop listening to words and only the notes penetrate into me)---these three songs somehow magically aligned themselves to be in rhythm with my steps, the final song ending as the key was turned and door closed behind me.

venice queen (red hot chili peppers)--time 6:07
take me somewhere nice (mogwai)--time 6:57
finally (the frames)time --4:53

total time to walk the more scenic way home = 17 minutes 57 seconds

anyhow, of course now i am home, and not ready to go to sleep...despite the yawn i will find it in me to muster up energy enough to brew some tea, read for while, perhaps write a letter or two.

did i mention that i saw a couple (as in mom & dad) of ducks and their ducklings stroll in front of me across the sidewalk from the grassy lawn to the side where the playground was...almost as if it was time for the childrens' playtime...how odd it is that all the senses are heightened when one lacks sleep...