well, after buying and then unbuying my plane ticket, i have again finally bought another ticket to take me home to my mom, a much better reason than the first initial attempt.  the ticket was expensive and may actually hinder me from going to seattle/vancouver as originally planned, but that is alright because i think that right now my presence is much more valued elsewhere. 
 
conversations in the water this past weekend have caused me to contemplate upon some things and my intention of visiting california.  i do not know if the person behind the painting wishes to see me, in fact i do not even speak hardly with this mystery.  it is always hard to need someone, and then the moment you realize it, they no longer need you.  and though i know the basis of it all was a deep, underlying friendship that has carried us through and through, i can't stand being ignored, and that alone bothers me.  who better to run to than my mother, the only one who never, ever, ever can turn this cute little pumpkin face away.
 
all i have to say is, whatever...don't say you will call if you have no intention of calling.  that hurts more than just simply saying i am too busy or i don't know when i will talk to you again.  ours is truly a love-hate relationship, and it is neither an even balance.  either i truly love you or i truly hate you.  i mean, of course, hate is a strong word, and i do not really dislike you so much...because deep down you have been my listening ear, and for that i will always thank you...
 
sigh.
 
boys suck....
 
...but so do girls...now that's what i call a connundrum.
 
i need to go get my butt motivated to go to target and buy a new bike lock so i can come back home and then ride my bike down the street to the coffee shop so i can study all afternoon.  i have a test one week from today and i am totally unprepared.  good thing i have all of today till friday to study.  this weekend is going to be spent in new york, latvian royalty has asked that i accompany them and i shall comply to her request.  i mean, come on, how can i pass up a wodnerful summer weekend in manhatten (er) i mean manhattan. 
 
i think i'm going to fail my test.   i have no desire to study for this one at all, and yet i don't want to have to wait the 6 months to retake it if i fail it.  another connundrum.  (connundrum:  the word of the day if you haven't deciphered yet)
 
i'm hungry.  breakfast is calling to me and i should probably fight the urge to continue typing in order to continue procrastinating. 
 
everything to me lately is a viscious cycle of which there is no escaping.