intention/moment/unforeseen/inadvertent
sometimes intentions led only in the moment can lead to unforeseen and inadvertent outcomes. words and actions said in the right context at the right moment can at a later time be transformed to the extreme opposite - being wrong in every aspect. there are few things that i ever regret in my life. i feel that whatever the situation, i made the choice for a series of reasons that were/are valid. i agree that these may not always be the most wise decisions, but they are the path my heart chose for that specific place in time. (thinking for a moment) i realize that my expectations of people these days are very low...i wonder if this is because my expectations of myself are in the same way also falling. (sigh) this reality is something that makes my heart a little sad...i remember a time where i had such high expectations of character and being in relation to me. where have these disappeared to? have i really thrown away all those cards and now am only playing with a partial deck? sometimes i do not know who the person is looking back at me in the mirror anymore, there was a time when i had such confidence...i guess i, like everyone else, i just long for someone to care enough to hold me accountable to my own expectations of myself, because the reality is this --- i get tired of holding myself to the list...i get tired of trying so hard without having someone to share it with or understand me for it (faults/failures/successes/inspirations)...ugh---how did i start thinking about all of this...

the lyrics to [try :: nelly furtado]
All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

sometimes i feel so different from & lost in this crowd of people: